Emotional week

Ya'll!  I'm a mess today!!  I've been such an emotional wreck!  I think everything is just hitting me now. 

First and foremost, My mom.  She will be ok.  It's just going to be this recovery time that is hard.  She went into surgery with one thing in mind and, in the end, it was a completely different outcome.  So, she was in the MICU last night so that she could be observed closely.  So thankful! The staff is spot on and has been wonderful in helping anyway that they can!  She's good this morning.  The pain drugs are working.  She's able to doze enough to get some rest.  We are hoping that once the Dr. gets in to see her, that she can be moved to her own room.  If not today, then hopefully tomorrow!  She's on IV nutrition to give her stomach a complete rest. They will do a swallow test in 5 days to test for any leakage in her esophagus and/or stomach.  If there's not any, then hopefully she can come home. 

Next, my chemo.  I've really not been emotional through this.  I honestly just felt like "it is what it is" and that I'll work through it as it comes.  By God's Grace, I've just been calm and been able to work through things as they come up.  I really haven't stressed over it.  I've been so blessed by so many family and friends who just jumped with me and have been on this crazy adventure with me.  They have been my rock, my encouragers, my supporters, my posse, my sidekicks, and given me a kick in the butt when I needed it.  I would've had a completely different mind set if not for them!  But today, I think that it's just hit me that as of tomorrow, this is done.  I've won!  I've kicked this cancer in the ass!  It just hit me and I sat and cried today. 

I don't think of being done until my pump is off, but I don't have any more treatments scheduled.  After talking to my Oncologist yesterday, he feels like I'm doing GREAT and am healthy.  I have to keep my same schedule for blood draws and Dr. visits for a couple more rounds, but no more chemo days!  Wooohoooo!  I'll go to see the vampires and the Dr. as much as they want.  (Seriously, I already owe them $120,000+, what's a few more Dr. visits?!?!) 

Also, Cancer just sucks!  As I'm traveling this new road, I've met and know of so many amazing, wonderful people who are suffering through this horrible, stupid disease.  Every story is so different and it's so overwhelming to hear each one!  I just pray for each and every single person and their families and friends who are suffering with them!  Love them!  Love them!  Love them!

Be Brave!
Be Strong!
~Claire  :)

So, I'm off to visit mom during visitation hours, then to run some errands and get out of the house for a little bit.  Then going to enjoy this day to the fullest!!!

6 months {in a fog}

I don't really know where to start.  I still have so much to post and haven't kept up like I should or wanted to.  I guess it's never too late to start, so I'll make another vow to TRY to post more!  :)

Tomorrow is my last chemo treatment!  WOOHOOOO!  I can't believe that it's been about 6 months since I started this journey!  It's been a definite roller coaster of events, emotions, and thoughts.  I'm not really sure where the time has gone.  I started on December 10th with my first chemo treatment.  Since then, Christmas happened, I've had a couple of scopes, a colonoscopy, another stay in the hospital (only 3 days this time), a pill cam, 11 rounds of chemo and pump, and a partridge in a pear tree.  I can't say that I really remember them.  It's amazing how I know that they all occured and they are on my calendar (and I'm definitely getting bills for them) but I hardly remember any of it.  I've really lived the last 6 months in a fog. 

I've slept through a lot of it!  Especially the first 6 treatments- when I was still on the Oxaliplatin- it made me tired and nauseous.  Since then, the nausea has subsided but the fatigue has increased.  I still need to nap most every day.  I like days that I don't take a nap, but I'm EX.HUSTED by 6pm.  So, those days are usually early bed times. 
But, even the time that I'm awake seems to be a fog.  Chemo brain maybe?  Just living through each uneventful day, maybe?  Not sure why it's such a foggy time.

I'm so happy that this week marks my 12th and last chemo.  Hopefully, forever, but I'm not counting on that.  I'll go tomorrow just like usual, get my bloodwork, see my Oncologist, get my treatment, and hook up to the pump.  The different thing tomorrow is that after I'm finished, instead of going straight home to rest, I'll be going upstairs in the hospital to see and check on my momma.  She has surgery tomorrow while I'm in chemo.  She's having surgery to remove a tumor on her esophagus and some polyps in her stomach.  We're hoping that she's only in the hospital for a few days.  Could be a week, but let's keep our fingers crossed.  So, this last chemo will be a little different because I'll be at the hospital some each day to visit her.  I'll have my chemo pump with me and will probably spend some time just sleeping in her room.  We'll see. 

What's next, you ask?  Well, I get to enjoy the summer.  I'm hoping that I won't be as fatigued all of the time.  But I think that I can rest on the beach as easily as I can rest at home!  :)  Hoping to get to a Braves game and to just enjoy the warm weather.  As for my medical stuff, I'll be referred back to my surgeon and will meet with him in the next couple of weeks.  He'll do an assessment and determine when I can have surgery to reconnect my guts!  WOOOOHOOOOOOO!  Ya'll won't be able to shut me up.  You'll probably know more about guts than you ever wanted to!  I can't WAIT!  According to my Oncologist, my surgeon usually waits about 8 weeks after the end of chemo before doing the reconnection.  That allows the chemo to run its course and get out of my system.  Any surgery with chemo in my system increases the risk of additional complications and infection.  Looking to have surgery sometime about the first of August-ish.  Then, as long as there's not any complications, I'll have an 8 week wound/surgery recovery.  That's it.  {as if it's been so easy!}

So,  here's to my last round of cocktails, mom's safe and successful surgery and recovery.  I hope all of you had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.  Please remember those who are serving, have served, and their families who sacrifice every single day so that we might enjoy our freedoms!

Be Strong!
Claire

**Matching toes for our big week!**