Fakin' it!

It's been a while since I have updated this blog.  I need to get busy and try to post something at least once a week.  Add it to my to do list!

I've been struck lately about how normal I feel during my off weeks.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm tried.  A LOT!  I usually sleep at least 8 hours at night and I have to take a nap each day to function. And, typically, I'm tired after going out and about for a few hours.  BUT, it seems like I'm not as nausous as I was before.  They have  discontinued one of the chemo drugs, Oxyliplatin, so I think that might be helping. 

I just feel like when I see people and talk to people, they will be thinking that I'm faking all of this.  HA!  I know how crazy that sounds when it comes out of my mouth.  My best friend, Kim, put it best this week:
"So people think you're faking it?  Yep, you're a good faker with 15 days in the hospital, a huge scar on your stomach, an ostomy bag hanging on your side, and your hair falling out."  It's nice to have friends who put it all in perspective. 

People have also asked about how I stay so positive.  Some days I have to fake it til I make it.  But most of the time, I just have the idea that this is a temporary delay and I have to work through it.  I feel so fortunate to have the doctors and support staff that I do.  They are amazingly positive for me.  So, that really helps.  I do worry about what the chemo is doing to my body long term.  But that is something that I'll have to deal with as it comes too.  I'm just really of the mindset that things will work out the way they are supposed to-- as long as I continue to work through them. 

I'm incredibly blessed by my family and my AMAZING circle of friends.  I feel especially blessed this week.  I've had the opportunity to SEE some friends who don't live here.  And the opportunity to talk to others.  I got a very sweet, special flower delivery from an amazing friend.  I got a couple packages full of fun goodies.  I get to have lunch with a sweet friend and her little girl today! 

So, know that so far, I am doing ok.  Off weeks are great.  But I pretty much sleep through my chemo weeks.  You won't hear much from me and I don't really get out of bed.  I realize now, those are the things that most people don't see.